I can't remember how long we walked for or how far. In his presence and the dark of those early morning hours time and distance became harder and harder to grasp until at dawn I had lost all sense of who I was, where I came from, what I was doing here and where we were going. All there was left was an elongated experience of the present moment and my miniscule place in the greatness of this amazing creation in which I was submerged. Strangely enough it didn't feel odd at all. I had a place in all of this and although I didn't understand at that time what my place was I wasn't concerned about any of it. I knew on a deep viceral level that this was right and I simply trusted that I would be shown the way when the time was right.

Suddenly, without warning, the Wanderer stopped still in his tracks in front of me. "Stay close to me and keep your focus on me at all times. When I move through the gate you follow without hesitation. If you don't you'll be suspended in between worlds for all of eternity, so pay close attention!", he said. I looked around us and was slightly puzzled for there was nothing remotely gate-like in front of us. It seemed like we had arrived at some sort of transient place though. The vegetation behind us was different from what was directly ahead of us but I couldn't tell exactly what was so different about it. Again there was an eery silence; not a single bird's song, no wind, no movement anywhere until his breathing started and his arms and hands moved outward as if he was pushing against an invisible wall on either side. The whole of physical reality became this translucent, plyable material as he forged open this doorway directly in front of us. It became a large circle that looked like it was made of this watery, shiny membrane and in that precise moment all of our surroundings disappeared.

I was standing on nothingness as eternal space brushed softly against me from all sides like the familiar waves of the karmic ocean, full of sorrow, full of delight. A nothingness, an emptiness that was filled with everything. A charge of limitless potential pulsated through the core of me, singing and making the hairs on my skin dance a soul-filled samba, like seaweed swaying in the tides of time. Bliss rushed through my veins and along my spine and in one orgasmic motion blew the cork from my crown. I was being played, I was a flute, Spirit moved through me unrestrictedly, I was free for the first time and my sense of self completely dissolved. Being, playing the flute, being played, movement, stillness, oneness... seeing a watery circle in front of me retreat, grow smaller and smaller. Somehow I jumped from this place that knew no space or time, somehow I moved, something inside of me subtracted itself from oneness and moved as a singular entity into another realm. Like a droplet jumping out of the ocean I became aware of my seperation and awoke on the other side experiencing the greatest heartache I had ever felt, sobbing uncontrolably and screaming like a new born for his mother's breast.

The weight and the limitations of my body felt for some time like I was wearing a tight shoe but eventually that feeling wore out. The pain in my heart remained however, as a bitter sweet promise from God, telling me I have a place in heaven to return to when my time here is up and my body wears out.

"O.k. buddy, you cut it really close there", his voice boomed when I had finally composed myself somewhat.
"I know", I responded, "I didn't want to leave, I felt...".
"Yeah, yeah, orgasmic, you felt God and all that", he interupted for the first time with a hint of compassion. "I know, it's hard to leave and yet, we have things to attend to, things to do, right here and right now, in this reality I mean".
"I understand", I replied. "Where are we anyway?"
"We are at the beginning of time. This is what I came to show you. This is what your ancestors want you to see", he said. "I could have told you the story sitting by your campfire but I guess they have different plans for you because they wanted me to bring you here so you can absorb with all your senses. You must understand that it's only given a few to bear witness to what you're about to see. There is a purpose for it. You must bring this back to your people, do you understand?", he asked.
"I guess so", I answered, not completely convinced of my own statement.
"Hmmm", he grunted. "Listen, your people have become disconnected from the sacredness of all life, so disconnected in fact that we doubt that there is still a way out of the mess you made. Now, other tribes around the world have always remembered the sacredness of all life; they have remembered their interconnectedness. You know of this because your heart has yearned for as long as you can remember to reconnect. That is why you have studied the ways of other people; so you could remember and find your way home. That is why you have made the choices in your life that you have made. You may not have understood all of those choices but you have been guided in this. Your ancestors have prepared you. You have been asked to sacrifice your life to serve Spirit so people can have a vessel to return to a state of connectedness. And you have heard and responded appropriately. Milions in the West want to find their way home, yearn to connect to creation and creator but they don't know how. They have lost track of their own spiritual roots and have almost eradicated all of their own traditions that served as such. It's now time to reclaim them and integrate them again in your culture. Please understand that we don't want you to go back in time. It's a new dawn, things have speeded up. Integrate the old in new ways; build a bridge that serves your people in this day and age! This is part of why you're here. Do you understand now?"
"I do", I reply.
"Good, then we can proceed", he said and with that all of our surroundings disappeared again.

I know I'm there and I also know that he's right there with me but I can't make out our forms. We have become part of the whole and at this point the whole is an all encompassing pitch black, starless universe. The wisdom of my ancestors speaks through his voice and reveals in countless scenes the creation of the world and everything in it. I tremble at my core while my body remembers the heritage that has been lying dormant at the base of its every cell, coiled up in the snakes of my DNA, now unwrapping, unrevelling, re-animating and freeing itself in a surge for new life.

"In a time before time I remember the giants that have birthed me," Wanderer begins,
"birthed the nine worlds and the ancient tree with its roots so deep.
In this time it was when the giant Ymir lived and nothing had come into being:
no sand, no sea, no salty waves, there was no earth, no sky.
Nothing was but a jawless yawn and grasses grew nowhere..."

< chapter two | chapter four >